Agent's of SHIELD - Coulson's the Real Winner

In which our heroes discuss their favourite shitty spies
**Contains spoilers for Agents of SHIELD**

Dick: Why did Coulson give Ward his hand? *laughs*


Dave: I don’t know either. Because he… doesn’t deserve a hand? 
Why did he murder him by pressing on his chest it’s so slow and brutal *laughs*
I mean the real reason was so Ward could keep his pretty pretty face but why does in-show Coulson care about that? Just fucking crush his throat or something


Dick: Coulson just rips his head off *laughs*



Dave: My favourite thing Robo Coulson has done is lift a man by his throat ranting maniacally about his laser hand. Except it's JUST a hand. Coulson shouldnt be able to lift a guy like that


Dick: He must've always had superhuman strength. That's the only explanation


Dave: You know how Joss Whedon said as far as he's concerned Coulson is still dead? What if he is and this is all some elaborate guilt fantasy in Nick Fury's head? :L That's why everything always comes up so heavily Coulson, lose a hand? Boom. Cyborg Hand. Kids you never had? Boom you've adopted a whole team of spies! He's a badass now which he wasn't before. He's extra smug. He has his dream job.

Dick: I desperately want Coulson and the Secret Warriors to be in the Inhumans movie just because I love trash *laughs* 



Dave: I want a Fitz spinoff where he’s some kind of science private detective. Fucking hard-boiled moroccan noir Fitz fighting terrorists for love. I would watch ten seasons of an angry and heartbroken Fitz staring down terrorists and street criminals



Dick: Fitz the Monolith Puncher



Dave: "I'm done fighting over who gets to fight the real fight. I went against Talbot I went against another FACTION Of SHIELD, it's a massive waste of time” -Coulson on infighting in the Marvel Universe, Civil War coming out soon.

Strucker Jr was a weird fucking plot point

Dick: I didn’t even realise that Strucker was dead



Dave: Me neither, when was that? At the beginning of Avengers AoU? Who killed him? Was it the avengers?

Dick: I remember Winter Soldier hyping him as the next big bad, and the Avengers defeating him in the first 10 minutes
According to Wikipedia Ultron murdered him in his cell and wrote PEACE in his blood.  I don't remember that at all *laughs*

Dave: Me neither, that sounds metal as fuck *laughs*

Dick: All I remember about Strucker is he has the best eyewear in the MCU

Dave: Why does Coulson even still do fieldwork?

Well, plot I suppose

Dick: Exactly. They’re so shortstaffed, Dave.

Dave: Why is everyone aware of Coulson except the Avengers?


Dick: Because Joss Whedon. Ultron’s ending is very different knowing that Coulson saved the day

Dave: I don’t even remember how. Do we know?

Dick: It was his helicarrier or something? All I remember is his shit eating grin

Dave: Ok Coulson, ok *laughs*
Is Coulson using Dethlok tech?

Dick: For his hand? I don’t think robot hands count as Cyborgs.
 I’ve decided that Romanoff should be Captain America.

Dave: And thus we trick Execs into a female led action superhero movie